Understanding Your Teenager’s Behavior
The teenage years can be challenging for both parents and teens. As a parent, it’s normal to feel confused or concerned by some of your teenager’s behavior. A Nearly Normal Family by Lene Kaaberbøl explores complex family dynamics and difficult situations many families face.
Some key things for parents to keep in mind:
- Mood swings and risk taking behavior are common in the teenage brain which is still developing impulse control and decision making skills.
- Building trust and keeping communication open, without judgement, is important even when you disagree with their choices.
- Get to know your teen’s friends and peers to understand the social pressures and influences in their life.
- Set clear rules and boundaries but allow them to make some mistakes and support them through the consequences.
Warning Signs Your Teen May Be Struggling
While some moodiness is normal, certain behaviors may indicate your teen is dealing with deeper issues like depression, anxiety, bullying or substance abuse. Warning signs include:
- Withdrawing from family, friends, and activities they used to enjoy
- Significant decline in academic performance
- Self-harming behaviors or talking about suicide
- Dramatic shift in mood, sleep, appetite or energy levels
- Aggressive behavior and anger issues
- Drinking alcohol, vaping, smoking or doing drugs
Ways Parents Can Support Their Teen
If you notice any concerning behaviors in your teen, there are things you can do to provide support:
- Listen – Make time to talk to your teen without distractions and judgement to understand what they are going through.
- Validate – Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that what they are experiencing is real and difficult.
- Set Limits – Calmly explain what behavior is acceptable and what the consequences will be for breaking rules.
- Encourage Counseling – Therapy can give teens tools to process emotions and make healthy choices.
- Role Model – Demonstrate positive coping mechanisms for stress and lead by example in your own life.
Establishing Trust and Honest Communication
The most important thing is establishing an environment where your teen feels safe coming to you for help and advice without fear of judgement or punishment. This means:
- Making time for open conversations about what’s happening in their life.
- Listening first instead of lecturing.
- Showing you care through words and actions.
- Respecting their need for independence as they develop their identity.
- Apologizing when you make a mistake and modeling how to take accountability.
As much as you want to, you cannot force your teen to talk to you until they are ready. Keep showing up, even when they push you away, and reassure them you are there when they need you. It may take time to rebuild trust if it has been broken.
When to Seek Professional Help
Most teenagers go through ups and downs caused by hormonal changes, school stress, social pressures and the search for identity. However, if you notice any of the following, do not hesitate to reach out for professional support:
- Talking about suicide, feeling hopeless or engaging in self harm
- Extreme mood swings that impact daily functioning
- Ongoing academic issues or problems at school
- Signs of addiction to alcohol, vaping, drugs etc.
- Physical health problems like dramatic weight changes or fatigue
- Chronic runaway behavior
Seeking counseling, having a psychiatric evaluation, working with school counselors and administrators, or entering addiction treatment programs can provide teen’s with the higher level care they need in times of crisis.
Self Care for Parents
Parenting a struggling teenager can take a toll on your mental and emotional health. That is why practicing self care is so important. Make time for:
- Social Support – Connect with friends, join a parents support group, or see a counselor
- Relaxation – Do yoga, meditate, get a massage, or just take quiet breaks
- Exercise – Release endorphins and relieve stress through walking, sports, etc.
- Fun – Watch comedy shows, read an entertaining book, enjoy a hobby – anything unrelated to parenting
Taking care of your own needs will give you the energy and resilience required to keep supporting your teen through the ups and downs until they transition into a healthy, independent adulthood.
