Weddings can be expensive affairs. From the venue and catering to attire and entertainment, the costs add up quickly. With the average wedding in the United States costing over $30,000 in 2022, it’s no wonder that many couples seek financial assistance from their families. But who is traditionally responsible for covering the costs of a wedding?
According to longstanding etiquette rules, the bride’s family pays for the majority of wedding expenses. However, traditions have shifted over time and more costs are being shared by the couple themselves or divided between both families. Regardless of who pays, it’s important for couples to communicate openly and set clear expectations to avoid misunderstandings over wedding finances.
The Bride’s Family
Historically, the bride’s family shoulders the financial responsibility of hosting the wedding, including all costs related to the ceremony and reception. This tradition emerged in part because daughters tended to live with their families until they were “given away” through marriage. Covering wedding costs was seen as the family’s duty before releasing their daughter to her new husband.
Common expenses paid for by the bride’s family include:
- Venue
- Catering
- Wedding cake
- Decorations
- Music/entertainment
- Wedding photographer
- Wedding invitations
- Wedding favors for guests
- Transportation on the wedding day
In addition, the bride’s parents traditionally host a rehearsal dinner for wedding party members and out-of-town guests the evening before the ceremony. They may also offer to contribute funds towards the couple’s honeymoon expenses as a wedding gift.
The Groom’s Family
The groom’s family has historically played a lesser financial role in covering wedding costs. Their key responsibilities included:
- Purchasing the alcohol for the reception
- Covering the officiant’s wedding fee
- Paying for the bride’s wedding band
- Paying for the honeymoon (optional)
- Hosting a post-wedding brunch (optional)
However, the groom’s parents may offer to pitch in more, especially if their means allow. Some families split certain wedding costs evenly between both sides. It never hurts to ask!
The Wedding Couple
While parents and relatives often contribute the bulk of wedding financing, more couples now pay for all or part of their own wedding celebrations. With couples getting married later in life, they are likely to be established in their careers and better equipped to self-fund their nuptials.
It is becoming increasingly common for engaged pairs to pay for the following:
- Engagement ring
- Wedding attire and accessories
- Groom’s wedding band
- Wedding stationery, like save-the-date cards
- Rehearsal dinner (optional)
- Welcome baskets for out-of-town guests
In some cases, the couple may take on the entire wedding budget themselves. This gives them the most control over how their money gets spent. However, they should be transparent with parents about their plans so there are no hurt feelings over finances.
How to Determine Who Pays
Deciding who foots the bill for each wedding expense begins with an open conversation between the engaged couple and both families. Be upfront about your overall budget and financial limitations. This allows everyone to set realistic expectations.
Here are some tips for dividing costs:
- Make an comprehensive list of every anticipated wedding expense, from major items like the venue to smaller costs like programs and place cards.
- Determine which items have traditionally fallen to the bride’s family, the groom’s family, or the couple themselves.
- Allow each party to claim the expenses they are comfortable covering.
- For any remaining items, the couple can decide whether they are worth taking on more debt or if cuts need to be made.
There may need to be some compromises to create a workable budget. Remember, you aren’t required to have an elaborate, expensive affair. Focus on what matters most – celebrating your love with friends and family!
Who Pays When Rules Change
Traditions exist to be broken! While customs provide helpful guidelines, more couples are forging their own paths when it comes to wedding finances. Gender roles, family structures, and cultural backgrounds all influence who contributes.
Here are some common scenarios:
- Couple paying entirely – With more destination weddings and older couples getting married, it is increasingly common for the engaged pair to self-fund the whole celebration.
- Costs split down the middle – Rather than divide expenses by tradition, some families simply split the budget evenly between the bride’s and groom’s side.
- Paying by capability – Families may divide costs proportional to their respective incomes and assets so no one feels overburdened.
The most important thing is maintaining positive relationships on all sides. Do what seems fair given your family’s unique situation. The number one rule: expect to contribute something, even if you can’t afford an equal share.
Key Takeaways
While customs have long dictated that the bride’s family shoulders the majority of wedding expenses, financial responsibilities are shifting. Couples are increasingly self-funding all or part of their celebrations. Regardless, transparency around budgeting and constant communication between all parties is vital for harmony during wedding planning.
The tradition of who pays for what serves as helpful guidance. But priorities, relationships, and resources vary widely between couples. Focus less on sticking to etiquette and more on making sure no one feels unduly strained. After all, your wedding day is about celebrating love – not stoking tensions over finances.
