It’s a common family dynamic – the maternal grandparents are deeply involved with their grandchildren, while the paternal grandparents and relatives seem more distant. This phenomenon of dad’s side of the family missing out is surprisingly common, but the reasons behind it are complex and varied.
Societal Norms and Expectations
Society has traditionally placed more emphasis and responsibility on mothers when it comes to child rearing. The assumption is that women are naturally more nurturing and better equipped to care for children. This carries over into expectations around extended families – there is more pressure and expectation for maternal grandparents to be involved and step in to help.
Paternal relatives may feel less welcome or that their involvement is less expected or valued. They may hesitate to overstep or intrude if they perceive childcare as “mom’s domain.” These societal assumptions can become self-fulfilling and reinforce dad’s family missing out.
Proximity and Logistics
In some families, geography and logistics make it easier for mom’s parents to be involved. For example, if a mother moves back to her hometown after having kids while dad’s parents live far away. Proximity enables more frequent visits, attending school events and extracurricular activities, or providing childcare help for working parents.
Distance can be a barrier for dad’s relatives who may only visit occasionally. The effort and planning long distance travel requires is a hurdle, and makes it harder to be a regular presence. This can inadvertently cause dad’s family to miss out on the small, everyday moments.
Family Dynamics and Relationships
Strained relationships or family tension on dad’s side can also limit their involvement with grandchildren. For example, if dad had a difficult relationship with his own parents growing up, that can impact his willingness to have them around his kids. Or if dad’s parents disapprove of his choice of partner, that can drive a wedge.
Mom’s family may have an easier, more natural relationship that lends itself to grandparent involvement. Even small family dynamics like having shared interests, personalities that mesh well, or established fondness over decades can give mom’s family a head start.
Divorce, Remarriage and Step-families
Family structures like divorce, remarriage, and step-families can also contribute to dad’s side missing out. This is especially true if mom retains primary custody after a divorce. Her parents then take on more involved grandparent roles out of geographic necessity and access to the grandchildren.
Stepparents and new half siblings on dad’s side can further complicate these relationships. Grandparents may feel unsure of roles, worried about overstepping boundaries, or struggle to navigate complex stepfamily dynamics. These situations require extra effort to nurture connections.
Communication, Initiation and Planning
Simple communication issues can also disproportionately impact dad’s family. Everyone today leads busy, hectic lives. Staying connected with extended family requires effort and intentionality from all parties. However, mom’s parents sometimes have built-in advantage if they already have a close relationship with their daughter.
If not purposefully addressed, the expectation or assumption may become that it’s “dad’s job” to initiate communication with his parents, organize visits, send updates about the kids, etc. Without mutual initiation, dad’s family can slowly start missing out by default.
Tips for Keeping Dad’s Family Involved
Combating the common phenomenon of dad’s relatives missing out requires effort and engagement from all sides. Here are some proactive tips:
- Make communication, visit plans, and updates a two-way street – don’t leave it solely up to dad’s family to initiate.
- Extend invites and make dad’s family feel explicitly welcomed, involved, included.
- If needed, have open conversations about any tensions and work to resolve them.
- Embrace technology for regular video calls to bridge physical distance.
- Find shared interests between kids and paternal relatives to bond over.
- Make an extra effort to plan meaningful time together during visits.
Keeping dad’s side of the family involved enriches kids’ lives with more people to love and support them. It sometimes requires navigating complicated dynamics, but the effort pays dividends for the entire extended family.
