It’s a common experience for many blended families – the dad’s side of the family often feels left out or less involved after a divorce or separation. This can lead to hurt feelings, damaged relationships, and a sense of loss between grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins and the children they love. But why does this happen, and what can be done to bring dads side back into the fold?
Statistical Realities Behind Lost Connections
There are a few key statistical and social realities that influence why dads side tends to miss out more often:
- Children live more often with mom after a separation – In approximately 80% of custody cases, the mother becomes the primary custodial parent. This means less day-to-day interaction between dads relatives and the children.
- Moms tend to facilitate connections – Even when dads have partial custody, moms still often arrange events, holidays, etc. If communication breaks down, dads family can be left behind.
- Greater family involvement expectations for moms – Societal norms still expect mothers to handle most child rearing duties and family coordination.
- Potential remarriage complications – A fathers re-marriage can sometimes create awkwardness or uncertainty that limits connections to his original family.
Emotional Challenges That Lead To Lost Ties
In addition to the statistical realities, there are also emotional challenges that commonly impact relationships between dads families and their grandchildren/nieces/nephews after a separation:
- Anger/blame – There may be resentment or blame placed on the father for the failed marriage that spills over to his relatives.
- Lack of effort – Building relationships takes effort. After a split, some dads and their families withdraw out of sadness, not knowing how to reconnect.
- Estrangement from dad – Sometimes dads lose touch with their own kids. This obviously will sever ties between the kids and paternal relatives.
- Loyalty conflicts – Children may feel caught in the middle or like they are betraying their mom if they connect with dads side.
Tips For Rebuilding Lost Connections
If you are part of a dads family that has lost meaningful contact with grandchildren, nieces/nephews after a separation, there is hope. Here are some proactive tips that can help rebuild ties:
- Seek mediation if needed – If hurt feelings or misunderstandings are causing major rifts, seeking professional counseling or mediation services can help.
- Communicate directly – Reach out to your grandchildren or relatives directly via phone, video calls, texts or letters to maintain a personal lifeline.
- Find shared interests– Bond over hobbies, activities or passions you share in common with the children to reinforce positive associations.
- Coordinate with dad – Make sure to respect the custody situation, but arrange visits or outings during dads designated time.
- Start traditions – Institute an annual trip, holiday celebration or experience that becomes your special family tradition.
- Reminisce positively – Share fun stories, photos and memories of positive times together in the past.
The Importance Of Maintaining Family Ties
Even though it may feel awkward or challenging at first, pursuing renewed connections with dads branches of the family tree can have profoundly positive impacts, including:
- Strengthening childrens sense of identity and belonging
- Exposing children to more diverse perspectives and influences
- Enriching childrens support networks and people that care about them
- Helping children see positive relationship role models
- Combating any feelings of abandonment or isolation children may feel after a separation
- Preserving meaningful family history, values and cultural heritage to pass down
Who Stands To Benefit
Put simply – everyone. When dads families remain involved in the lives of children after a separation, it’s a win-win situation leading to more enriched connections and better emotional outcomes for all parties, including:
- The Children – who feel more supported and gain a deeper sense of identity
- Dads Parents – who don’t lose their precious bond with grandchildren
- Dads Siblings – who can remain involved uncles/aunts
- Cousins – who preserve their cousin connections and don’t lose a playmate
- Even Moms Side – who benefit from their children having more caring role models and support
Prioritizing The Childrens Needs
At the end of the day, any family hurdles or drama between separated parents should not cost the children the chance to preserve loving bonds with all branches of their family tree. By focusing on the childrens best interests and emotional needs above all else, extended families on both sides can often find a way to continue playing a healthy, happy role in their lives for years to come.
